Upsets and disagreements happen to everyone. When a couple employs secure functioning practices, these normal bumps in the road can be integrated into a deeper commitment to move forward together in a productive way. When upsets get repeated, or go unchanged, there comes a moment when a person says, “I can’t take this anymore.” And there are some behaviors that are simply unacceptable, such as physical violence and emotional abuse.
Betrayals and affairs, which are often the precipitating event that leads to crisis, can be healed, depending on the situation, the individuals’ needs, and their willingness and ability to repair. Some cannot be healed. We have facilitated repairs which no one believed possible.
Consistent feelings of being misunderstood, devalued, or rejected by your partner makes you question the viability of the relationship. Unfulfilled needs and frustrations grow if the partners do not have skillful means or professional support to help them navigate the unique challenges of negative bonding dynamics.
Using the neuroscience of relationship, we have found that even repeated transgressions can be healed, depending on the desire and wisdom the couple has to “care, own and repair” their bond.
f you are on the brink of letting go, or it’s clear that it’s time to separate, it’s important to realize that there are many choices as to HOW to do it. The attitude and process you choose will determine whether the outcome is a bitter, contentious battle, or a compassionate and loving separation that brings greater understanding and personal growth.