Get Clear.

Become Wise.

Feel Secure.

The Repair and Renewal Intensive for Couples

  • Is your partnership bond broken?  Or in need of repair?
  • Is your relationship tired, boring or uninspired?
  • Are your emotional needs not being fulfilled by your partner?
  • Is your communication riddled with judgment or resentment?
  • Do you feel like distant strangers in your marriage?
  • Are you on the verge of a crisis? Or already in the middle of one?

You may need a relationship tune-up – or perhaps, a major overhaul.

Your long-term relationship has the potential for deepening love and continual, exciting growth together for years to come.

Neuroscience research has shown that when your relationship is reliable and positive, you gain strength and resiliency to bounce back from life’s challenges. When you and your partner hold each other securely, you both thrive – and so do your family members.

Decades of research has identified secure functioning as the key to successful and loving relationships. We can show you exactly how to achieve this state, and how to rewire your brains (and your relationship) from insecure functioning to secure love practices.

The essence of secure functioning is being in each other’s care. This points to how we hold, hear and see each other in our daily interactions.

Everyone shares these core needs: to feel positively connected, appreciated, respected, valued and cared for.  In a healthy partnership, all of these qualities are present.

Our private couples’ retreats are custom-designed to repair and revive your relationship in precise and practical ways.

All partners have unique versions of what they want for emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and sexual intimacy.  Our bodies age, our hormones shift, and we’re impacted by child-rearing or empty nest issues. Stressful career demands or changes occur. All of these can affect our desire for giving and receiving affection. When the differences create more negative conflict than positive connection, affection can plateau – or stop all together. Each partner may see the problem quite differently, and have the need for different solutions.

When you (or your partner) feel insecure or unfulfilled, it can easily result in relationship stress, problems, or reactivity.  

When you join us for a couple’s retreat, we will personalize the program to you and your needs as a couple. We’ll inspire and guide you to reach for a shared vision in your relationship.  You’ll learn powerful healing practices that can quickly repair distress and co-triggers, so your loving connection can flourish and be sustained throughout your lives together.

Many couples have allowed their relationship to get stagnant – an unsatisfying dance of “putting up with” or “just getting along.”

Other couples have to reach a crisis point before they’re willing to work on their relationship. One partners acts out, has an affair, betrays trust, or violates the relationship commitment. Sometimes both partners act out at once. The result is a cascade of pain and mistrust. This crisis brings attention and focus to unfulfilled needs – such as intimacy and care – that have been missing for far too long.Supporting each other through anything

Some couples experience financial infidelity, career upheavals, or health crises that rock the relationship. Even the issues of aging can require a deep re-evaluation of what each partner needs for the next phase of life. A mid-life identity crisis can change your partner’s personality, actions, or habits, which can have a significant impact on your relationship.

If any of these dynamics describe your relationship status, it’s time to do something substantial to shake up your routine, repair your wounds, and restore your love-bond.

The Repair and Renewal Retreat

This program is for couples who are looking for a comprehensive, effective and rapid approach to repair and renewal of their committed relationship. 

Spend 2 to 5 days with us in a beautiful retreat setting, away from work and home distractions, and learn how to:

  • Repair unresolved resentments and ruptures
  • Renew the spark in a dulled connection
  • Heal from the impact of an affair or infidelity
  • Rebuild trust after exposing painful truths
  • Solve long-standing problems that have kept you distant
  • Open the closed doors to love, affection, and sexuality
  • Restore passion and excitement about your future together

We custom design our approach based on the outcomes you desire, the condition of your relationship, and the number of days you can spend with us.  We teach you specific tools and techniques you can use to consciously navigate the difficult issues in your relationship. You’ll leave with specific practices that help you connect with each other in more positive and passionate ways.

Important themes we’ll cover:

  • How your early childhood bonding pattern (LoveStyle) drives your reactivity and your ability to repair with your partner.
  • How your family-of-origin conditioning created patterns of behavior that cause. problems in your relationship, and how to change them.
  • How practical neuroscience can help solve chronic relationship problems.
  • How to communicate openly so you can both feel heard and respected.

Our retreat is designed for couples who want a private counseling experience that is deeper and more comprehensive than you can get in typical couples counseling.

People travel from all over the world to work with us in the San Francisco Bay Area. Most new clients come to us by referral from other clients who have experienced the profound transformation our work provides.

We offer this program throughout the year in Marin and Sonoma Counties, which offer easy access to a wide range of recreational options for relaxation, nature adventures, and the rich cultures of San Francisco and the wine country.  Accommodations range from local B&Bs to luxury hotels to peaceful health spas. Our comprehensive program includes follow-up sessions in person or by Skype to ensure your continued development of a secure functioning relationship.

Beneficial Outcomes

A couple’s retreat is an intensive learning/growing/loving environment. The result is more than worth the effort.

Couples have reported:

  • Much greater closeness and intimacy
  • More effective communication and problem solving
  • Truly resolved long-standing problems
  • Fewer annoying “issues”
  • No need for late-night processing
  • More emotional security
  • Deeper love for each other
  • The ability to disagree in a mature way
  • Feeling cherished and happy with each other

Many couples report that our Intensive Retreat is worth far more than a year’s worth of weekly couple’s counseling sessions. Join us for what other couples have found to be a more secure, comfortable, private, cost effective, and time-efficient way to nourish or heal your marriage/relationship.

Scientific Foundations

Our work is based on our extensive study of psychology, the neuroscience of relationship, attachment theory, and personal development.

We teach a basic education in Secure Love as an art – and also a set of daily practices. This wisdom offers you the powerful ability to understand and resolve your own relationship challenges with greater confidence and finesse.

Our scientific evidence-based approach offers a unique way to heal and renew your love-bond.  A Couple’s Intensive Retreat can help you resolve pain and confusion from the past, and empower you to create mutual happiness and deep satisfaction for your future together.

The Intensive Retreat is Right for You If You Feel:

  • Hurt, frustration or anger toward your partner
  • Anxious or depressed about your relationship
  • Threatened by negativity, rejection or abandonment
  • Disconnected from your partner
  • Defensive or insecure in your partner’s presence
  • Like you’re competing to get your needs met
  • So much distress that it’s causing health problems for you or others
  • Unresolvable differences in the need for connection, intimacy, or sex

All couples have “perpetual problems” that are difficult to resolve. Having challenges like this is not the issue.  Most couples never learned to heal and repair together in a productive and loving way – that’s the real problem.

You can learn to rewire your old neural patterns and return to a strongly positive state of mutual love and regard. The path is a multi-step process, which you can learn during our Intensive. Then, it’s your job to put it into practice.

When you implement and practice these skills over months and years, you build a trustworthy bond of mutual respect and care.  With an abundant balance in your “love bank account,” you have plenty of room to resolve the normal stresses and problems that occur in every human relationship.

We will show you specific behaviors that will result in feeling the love you both want to feel. The art of mutual collaboration supports you both to get your core needs fulfilled.

Healing the Trauma of Infidelity

The discovery of an affair, or betrayal, or being lied to, can shatter trust and tear a relationship apart.  This can lead to a highly estranged relationship or cause instant separation. Whether the transgression is emotional or physical, real or virtual, it creates damage that is not easy to repair.

Rebuilding trust is possible when both partners want to use the painful opportunity to address and heal the causes of the breach in order to move forward. When each partner shares their suppressed truth about their unhappiness, they feel relief, and this creates mutual understanding. Then, a new commitment to care, own and repair supports a new possibility for a “better than ever” relationship.

If a repair is not possible or mutually desired, you can use the time with us to explore the option of a compassionate separation, or to work toward an amicable divorce and healthy co-parenting.  The secure functioning approach optimizes all relationships, no matter the outcome.


If you want a deeper intimate connection, or if your relationship is at a crossroad or crisis, we will show you exactly what healthy, secure love is.

Couples thrive when both people commit to reducing threats and optimizing each other’s security and pleasure.

Whether you want to awaken and renew your fading love, repair a marriage that is falling apart, or make a major relationship decision, our intensive couple’s retreat can help you gain perspective on your unique situation – and teach you how to function in a secure way.

Let us help you navigate with highly skillful and wise support.  Contact Carista at for a complimentary 20-minute consultation to explore the possibilities.

About Us

We are a highly functioning and happy couple who have rewired our relationship from insecure to secure love. We have developed a practical approach to healing estranged relationships using the principles of the neuroscience of relationship to transform unhappiness and insecurity into deep, intimate, trustworthy love.

We have many decades of working on our own relationship issues, and we have raised two wonderful and healthy daughters. We know (both personally and professionally) about the challenges of modern day relationships. With this knowledge, we bring a blend of both male and female perspectives, and a familiarity with the issues common to evolving relationships.

We have helped thousands of couples navigate the endless challenges of life together. And we love what we do.

To read our bios, click here.